How to Love your Frenemy

This is gonna be one of those days when you hear some raw, yet vulnerable confession about the sticky, icky issue, “How to love your frenemy.” I am struggling here and admit, I need help. It seems like even when you are minding your own business, someone can enter your peaceful little world and create havoc. Can anyone out there relate?

A friend.

Or a family member.

Who resides in your inner circle.

to all our amazing followers around the world

A frenemy, quite frankly, is that certain someone who tends to get under your skin. They well up with criticism whenever they open their mouth. Taking others captive. Chiming right on in.

They don’t care if they make you cry. Or hurt your feelings. Or step on your toes. Sometimes, you wonder if they feel anything at all.

They make their voice known. Loud and clear. To anyone who will listen.

And you are left scratching your head.


Why do they bring up the same ole’ argument? And why are they stealing all of your friends? Are you being too sensitive? What is the point in all of this? Can you love your frenemy?

For beginners, don’t be afraid to tell them how you feel. In a calm, cool, and collected kind of way. Please. Let them know that your feelings have been hurt and you would like to talk about it. If you take the first step towards reconciliation (even if you are the one who has been hurt in the situation), you may be surprised by the outcome. A little humility can go a long, long way.

Secondly, recognize that there is a lesson in there for you. God may be honing in on your rough spots. Possibly bringing to light some areas that you need to bring to Him. When the water starts to boil, it is surprising the ugliness that comes surfacing to the top. For example, who are you most concerned about? Your welfare or the frenemy? Who is consuming your thoughts? If you love the other person as much as you love yourself, then your utmost concern will be for his or her well-being. I know. Ouch.

Finally, praise God for them. Consider them a blessing. If nothing else, they are driving you to the throne room. But there’s something more I want you to consider…they are helping to refine you. The person who makes you feel like you are always walking on eggshells is actually the person who helps shape who you are.

“Iron sharpens iron,
    and one man sharpens another.”

Proverbs 27:17

You may determine you don’t want to be anything like them and take a change of course in your own life. You may figure out that there is a specific area that you need to work on. Your eyes are opened to your mucky yuck. Why, you may even end up seeing an aspect of your frenemy that is beautiful. It was just buried beneath hurts and scars from over the years.

You may be the one that shows love to the unlovable as no one else has before.

You have an amazing opportunity to be the hands and feet of Christ. I know it’s tough. I am right here with ya. But let’s do this thing. Let’s be the one who takes Jesus to the uttermost parts of our world.

How can you love your frenemy? Can you think of ways they made you a better person?