a million bucks?
a brand new car?
How about, plain & simple…some genuine happiness?
After being penned up in a hotel room for months on end with 3 kids, husband, luggage, laundry, homework, backpacks, jackets, sports equipment, toaster, blender, snacks and who-knows-what-else was lurking beneath the pile of stinky socks…I could feel discontentment creeping in. As I looked around, I began to desire to have what she had. I wanted to be someone else.
I desired to have a normal life.
I wanted to go blow a wad of money at the mall and buy whatever I desired on a whim. I wanted to down Reese’s peanut butter cups until I could not stomach another one. I wanted to hang out with girlfriends, laughing, without a care in the world. I wanted to have a pile of cash ready at my disposal. I wanted kids who would quit fighting and go to bed. I wanted a husband who didn’t have to work so hard to make ends meet. I wanted to go somewhere…anywhere…by myself and have a moment of silence. I wanted to cook in my kitchen and eat whatever I wanted, when I wanted it. I wanted to watch a movie with my husband, in bed, without the kids lurking. I wanted the loud people in the room next door to shut up. I wanted to be able to do laundry easily, rather than carrying it down the elevator. I just wanted to be home.
But God had a different idea.
God wanted me to learn to depend on Him regardless of my circumstances. God wanted me to lay down my life for my husband and my kids. God wanted me to learn my kids needed me, in bigger & deeper ways than I had ever imagined. God wanted me to come to the end of myself so I could discover, “when I am weak, you are strong.” God wanted me to laugh in the midst of the storm. God wanted me to trust that He was up to something good. God wanted me to see that the things of this world will pass away. God wanted me to turn to HIm when I was coming unraveled. God was challenging me to find joy while greeting strangers on our daily elevator ride. God was moving in me, waking me up to see beyond my troubled perspective. God was loosening my tight grip on the things of this world. God was giving me a thirst to want HIm more.
Despite my circumstances.
What do you want from life? Is God working in you to want Him more?
Note: This blog post is a continuation of #mystory, “How Do You Respond When God Unsettles You?”