#mystory

#mystory continued…I wore the heart monitor for the next two months, wondering if anything would happen each day as I took a breath of fresh air. Anything. Anything at all. Always with a bit of curiosity in the back of my mind…Would it happen again? Over the course of time, I realized how frequently I take the little things for granted. I never had thought much before about whether there would be enough air to sustain me. There are so many things that God has under His control that I forget about day in, day out. Gravity that holds my feet to the ground. Planets in synchronized orbit. Cosmic order abounding all around.

It’s the little things I fail to see.

“Every good gift and every perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of lights with whom there is no variation or shadow due to change.” James 1:17

The days were getting colder now as winter was approaching. With a portion of our roof missing, we could feel the dampness in our home. A certain chill in the air that served as a constant reminder that things were not all right. It became apparent when the first storm whipped through a few weeks after the hurricane. In nearly every room, water began dripping. We first noticed it in the game room. Then in our daughter’s bedroom. Followed by a leak smack dab onto our couch in the living room. Add to that, the kitchen, dining room and master. Nearly every single room in our house was affected. We filled our house with buckets to catch the rain.

We hired a contractor to put bright blue tarp over our entire roof. However, even then, the wet, cold air invaded. It would be months before we would be able to receive a second appraisal. Insurance adjustors were backed up and working overtime after the hurricane brought a surge of claims.

Frustration. I could feel it mounting. Like coffee percolating getting ready to boil. I wanted to be mad. I did. Somedays I would take it out on my kids. Other days it would slip out on my husband. And somedays, I was down right mad at God. Daily living was taking a toll on each and every one of us inside the walls of our home. The moist air caused us to be sick…often. Colds. Runny noses. Congested heads. Then, one day I noticed something unusual. Black mold was growing up our bedroom wall, right behind our bed. Upon further examination, I saw it in our air vents too. No wonder we were struggling to get ourselves out of bed. We were trapped within the illness of our very own walls.

The war within me kept raging. Would I trust and believe that God is good? Would I, like the Apostle Paul, consider our current turmoil pure joy (James 1:2)? This was such a challenge for me. To count it all joy when I could not see. I could not see how God could possibly work out my situation for good. Instead of staring at the greatness of my personal problems, I focused my attention on God’s goodness wrapped up in sweet little packages. My children’s precious faces. Sunny skies. Butterfly kisses. Gifts from the Father above were there, right in front of me, waiting to be unwrapped and enjoyed.

“for you know that the testing of your faith produces steadfastness.” James 1:3

Two months dragged by and I went in for a follow-up appointment with the cardiologist. My heart appeared to be in perfect working order. It seemed my extremely low blood pressure is what was bothering me. A faint test was ordered, and I would be strapped down to a table at my ankles, knees, and chest before being turned upright. I was to stand perfectly still for 20 minutes, I believe. Sounds simple, right? And truly I thought this was no big deal. I sang songs in my head. I recited Scripture. I thought about my grocery list and errands to run. Until about 15 minutes in…then I began to feel sick to my stomach. Nauseous too. Sudden onset of a headache. Who knew? That’s all I can remember.

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