Such a wimp I am.
After all of my hem and hawing, I could see clearly there was no purpose to all of my worry. It had not helped me escape trouble or navigate roads. It had taken my thoughts down paths I should’ve never traveled. It left me abandoned, near the end of my rope. It had built up monumental walls that appeared insurmountable. My heart had raced rapidly. I could physically hear it go pitter patter. But honestly, Why? Was there any goodness gained? Any hope for tomorrow?
Make no mistake, I was familiar with worry. Growing up in the Midwest, I would watch my family worry about the weather. Would the crops grow? Would the rain be enough? I overheard my parents worry about making financial ends meet. Have we saved enough for college funds? And rainy days? And retirement? I listened to newscasters cast fear into many. Were the schools teaching sufficiently for the next generation? Are you ready for the next health scare? Bomb threat? Oh, more fears for tomorrow.
The kids crashed as soon as I resumed the drive. Again. Driving. Me. Alone. My thoughts began to ponder. Clearly worry could appear to be a friend. Worry is a gift that never stops giving. And although worry came knocking at my door aplenty, I must now ask myself a tough question: How much had I gifted worry? Would my kids remember the look of panic in my eyes and my words said in haste? Would they sense my tenseness of emotion? Would they see that I love Jesus? Or rather, did they only see worry?
Worry came knocking at my door and despite my well intentions, I allowed her to come in. You see, I packed worry with me first thing that memorable morning. Made sure she had a place right next to my mascara and other important things. She had been my constant companion all the way from Houston. Sat smack down in the seat right there beside me. We conversed about many of things.
Sadly, I had made way too much room for her.
I allowed her to pick the thoughts that would consume me. She never seemed to run short of supply. When one thought went fleeting, she rapidly filled it. Rather than grabbing firmly to the truth of God’s Word, worry had me preoccupied. I even considered her my friend. She had held my hand.
Every step of the way.
Interestingly, Scripture points out that it is worry that chokes the Word of God from working in us. Throughout Scripture we are told, “Fear not. Do not worry.” Worry is rooted in unbelief. Are our problems too big for God? We worry when we cannot see how God could possibly work out a situation for our good…or at least to our liking. Rather than resort to patiently waiting, we jump on in over our heads. We pack our bags with worry. We let her become our best bud.
“The seed falling among the thorns refers to someone who hears the word, but the worries of this life…choke the word, making it unfruitful.” Matthew 13:22 NIV
This gift of worry…I had accepted her. I had allowed her to feel right at home. It was my choosing. I wish I had never opened the door. I would put her away for the night, demanding that she leave while I lock the door right behind her. She was no longer welcome. I told her to “Go.”