my story (1)

I’m just a mom, and I know. I know people do not like this phrase but for once in my life, I was going to pull this card and use it. The sight of blood makes me a little squeamish and all I could see was the pool of bright red stuff collecting outside of the tub. I quickly told my husband, “I have to go. Kade hit his head.” Inwardly I was battling not to crater. Inhale. Exhale. Inhale. Exhale. Already this day had seemed much too big for me. I had already squeezed my life into four tiny suitcases. Packed my car with things I hold dear. Driven 200 miles in a grueling 8 hours. Tired and weary and onward I would trod.

Remembering those breathing exercises I had once practiced during my pregnancy classes, I wondered if somehow I could control my heightened emotions. I could feel my heart pounding outside of my chest. My anxious thoughts were attempting to get the best of me.

Does God not see this is difficult? Clearly this problem is too big for me!

In my head, I tried to reason my situation out, only to become more frustrated. My husband is the doctor. Emergencies are his deal, not mine. He should be here right now. Why does it have to be left for just little ole’ me?

God is big enough for this problem. I know He can see. Why, I was taught He even controlled the storm, the wind, and the rain. I was familiar with Scripture and my thoughts were reminded of Job 37:15, “Do you know how God controls the clouds and makes his lightning flash?” And then there is the story in Mark 4 where Jesus gets away from the crowds on a boat. Out of nowhere, a fierce wind arises, and the waters are breaking over the vessel. The sailors begin to fret. Oh, finally, someone who is relatable! But not Jesus. He has some sweet dreams. In a worried frenzy, the disciples asked, “Teacher, do you not care that we are perishing?” (Mark 4:39) Jesus arose and told the storm, “Hush, be still.” And the wind calmed down and became perfectly still.However, my story was drastically different. For some reason, it seemed like God was not paying attention. My intellect was telling me to trust Him, but my heart was telling me to run.

God is able to calm the storm. When He chooses not to He is up to a greater good.

Quickly I grabbed a towel and began to apply pressure to the source of the blood. I hollered at my two girls to find their shoes because this journey was not about to end…

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