The adoption wait

The adoption wait

Shhh! This is a surprise for my husband. It is the first little shirt I bought for our to-be-adopted son. You see, I am 27 months pregnant and I haven’t bought a thing. There has been this hesitation inside me. When you are adopting from Haiti, as we are, there is this long, difficult wait. You really have no idea how long you will be on this roller coaster ride.

There are days when you think, “I’m just fine. I can handle this.” And others where you are a hormonal mess.

So, I’ve been holding back. I emotionally wasn’t ready to buy anything until this week. I’m not superstitious. It’s not as if I thought I would jinx the whole adoption thing. It’s just I wasn’t ready. I didn’t know when he would be coming home. I didn’t know how big he would be when I could finally tuck him into bed every night. This entire adoption process has been almost completely out of my control.

But my heart, that I can control. I can control how much I let it go. I can control who I let in. The truth of the matter is–we do this same thing with God. We put up a wall between us and Him. And why? I think for a lot of us, we are afraid of being hurt. We’re afraid if we give God our everything…our heart, soul and mind…then we have lost control. We get panic attacks just thinking about it.

What will God ask me to do? Where will I have to go? Who will I have to love?

However, this is what the Christian life is all about. It is about learning that love hurts. It will cost you something. There is no doubt this is true. When we hold back, we don’t get to see, touch, hear, live and experience the grace of God in action. It is worth it to love. It is worth the cost. It is worth your everything!

Look at Jesus’ example. He had absolutely everything at His beck and call in heaven. He could sit and hear the angels worship Him, singing, “Worthy, worthy, worthy.” He was the King of Kings and Lord of Lords. Nonetheless, He gave it all up. He became worthless. He became nothing. Being born in a stable and becoming a man. Why? Because of love. Because He loved us so much, God sent His one and only son. He bore our sins on an ugly cross. We never deserved such a gift of grace and extension of love. Never. It’s not about us getting the recognition, the honor, or the praise. It’s about giving God all the glory.

Recognizing the work of the cross that was done on my behalf helps me realize that the cost of surrendering to Him is worth it.

God deserves our devoted worship. To Him be the glory–it’s not about us. He is so worth it. Let’s not allow fear to get in the way of us serving Him. Let’s instead, give Him our hearts.

“My son, give me your heart and let your eyes delight in my ways.” Proverbs 23:26

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